← 2014 September 2014

  • I think my iPhone's Soundblaster 32 drivers need to be updated.

  • Obligatory begging post for Ello invite. If you've got an invite, pass one on to a brother.

  • I'm so frikkin pumped! 11 nights in NYC, 2 nights in San Juan, 3 nights in Washington DC!

  • Tickets to Puerto Rico booked! BOOYAH!

  • BREAKING: Local man really hasn't got time for these roadworks. Onlookers have watched him change lanes three times over the course of 50m.

  • Why can't silence be @RedFoo's new thang?

  • Would appreciate your thoughts on a blog post I'm working on: How Google's driver-less cars would positively impact marriages/relationships.

  • This will only end well if @karlstefanovic jumps onto the bandwagon early. Do it Karl, do it. (If you happen to read this Karl, hi)

  • In the coming months Hitchiker's 11 will be "that song" that everyone mimics in funny videos on YouTube ... and eventually Seven Sunrise.

  • Best prepaid SIM-only deal for an Aussie travelling to the USA for three weeks?

  • I just charged my new iPhone in the microwave like Facebook said and it's rubbish. It's only charged on the outsides, not in the middle.

  • Hey Australia, my 100% non-terrorist dark-skinned mate had a glass bottle thrown at him yesterday. Everyone chill the feck out.

  • Just caught a ride to Riverfire with Uber for free using my own 'marriedbyjosh' promo code!

  • Doctor Who theme music blaring out of the PA system, on the grounds of a university, as fighter jets fly over #justanotherdayatwork

  • Doing my 100th wedding for the year this afternoon ... that explains where the year went!

  • Yep ... I just quoted the Bobs in a blog post. It's a good day.

  • #HeyASIO my ICQ number was 49739400 but I've forgotten my password- help a brother out?

  • Just emailed one of my heroes that lives in NYC. I figure that I'm not in NY every day, and maybe Seth Godin wants to have lunch with me?

  • I'm worried that once day my child will be asked what daddy does. And they'll be forced to answer "drink beer or coffee with people in love"

  • Wanted: bow tie alignment technology so that my bow tie is always horizontal. Get back to me when I can send you a cheque, science.

  • Eagerly anticipating Apple iOS 8.11 for Workgroups

  • "I have a bum" - pop music today

  • Sorry, I didn't recognise you without the Instagram filter.

  • "If you're having iPhone problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a bend ain't one" - iPhone 5S user

  • Saw two Twitterlebrities today. Is this supposed to happen in threes?

  • If anyone's looking for a good deal on advertising from the Police Institute in their members magazine I'm got a guy on the phone ...

  • So @1Password is nice and super buggy on iOS8 isn't it? I take it that this was a bad time to become a new user?

  • "You're the iPhone Stocks app of people" - awesome insult I just invented!

  • I think #Gillard has forgotten what the deal with Australian politics is. It's a parliament that represents the public, not personal views.

  • Guys, spring has been hiding in Toowoomba. In case you were looking for it.

  • Phone call from Australia Post's Albion MC tells me that they can't post a letter when they've only got my name & phone number on the front.

  • My grandma told us a lovely story last night about how she used to have a nice young helpful tanned house boy.

  • It's weird that 20 years on everyone is Friend-crazy but when it first aired no-one even tweeted about it.

  • The next @popupwed location is being announced tonight at 8pm. There are animals involved!

  • Idea: four motorcycles welded together with a large square bracket so you get all the excitement of a motorbike with the capacity of a car.

  • Int'l Anaconda spokesperson says that they indeed do want some and the recent speculation about them wanting none is far from the truth.

  • “The best way to complain is to make things.” - James Murphy

  • So I know a guy, ok.

  • Super dodgy looking guy out the front of my office in an old Commodore wants to know if I know if I know anyone looking to buy a laptop.

  • In exactly four weeks time we'll be Jetset for LAX, and onward to JFK! New York City cannot come soon enough!

  • After seeing Harley Davidsons wrapped in rainbow flags ridden by angry men I'm almost too scared to ask what's happening in the valley?

  • Trust Apple and Scotland to make enough noise to push International Talk Like A Pirate Day off the frontpage.

  • Dear UK wedding people: the domain name wedding.uk is available and I can't register it because "apparently" I don't live in the UK.

  • Beats International playing on @B105Brisbane, is it the end times? This is jam hot.

  • Lining up outside Woolworths, gotsta get me new Apples. I'm first in line yo!

  • Has America liberated Scotland yet?

  • Guys, be careful downloading iOS8, I've heard that Chumbawumba's latest album is forced upon you and there's no way to remove it.

  • Ugh. I haven't got enough space on my iPhone to tweet about not having enough space on my iPhone to upgra

  • About to go on air on @Nova937 - if you're in Perth tune in! Talking about the @PopUpWed and about how weddings can be awesome! #popupwed

  • Avril Lavigne & Chad Kroger breaking up, which is sad news, but maybe now they'll refocus on making us terrible chart topping music again.

  • TV show idea: Dancing With The Scars, a dancing show with anyone who's lost Dancing With The Stars #DWTS

  • I think it's hilarious that GMail refuses to ever accept that emails from Apple are not spam. I'm sure Google has nothing to do with it.

  • Really excited to be chatting to #Perth's Nathan, @Natty_Nat_Nat and Shaun on @nova937 in the morning about @PopUpWed and awesome weddings!

  • Ugh! Bono's whole iPhone address book just automatically downloaded to my phone.

  • If you think a free Uber ride is cool, wait until you see what we're doing next year with them!

  • You know what laptop or phone launch would blow my mind? One where the battery lasts all day. That's my business' biggest limitation.

  • I'm not in Perth tonight so I can't see it, but I'm on @7NewsPerth for the @PopUpWed in a moment! Would love it if anyone sent me photo/vid

  • Breaking News: David and Margaret reveal they never even liked movies anyway. They're both reported to be 'so relieved' now everyone knows.

  • Breaking: scientists say rhyme supplies are getting very low. Govts are calling on rappers & poets to use their rhyme reserves wisely.

  • To celebrate the new Currumbin mosque, everyone's going to church tis weekend. Pass it on.

  • If i had of know that at some time in my life I would be in charge of a love conveyor belt, I would've lost my shit as a younger man.

  • Dear #Perth, yes that was me interrupting your #thexfactorau to say hi! I'll see you tomorrow night on @7NewsPerth to talk @popupwed!!

  • My Perth dinner date just postponed, anyone want to eat drink and be merry tonight in ol' Perth or Fremantle town?

  • It's Perth pop-up wedding day! @popupwed

  • Freakin' excited about making some wedding history tomorrow as seven couples get married in seven pop-up weddings in #Perth!

  • Airport cuisine is really underrated.

  • Business idea: a chain of restaurants that bring the charm and flavour of traditional airport food to people that aren't flying today.

  • Best day ever. I was on a flight full of school children going on camp. But flight has been changed! Now flying to Perth via Melbourne :)

  • Perth friends, should I pack a jacket for tomorrow/Monday?

  • Brittany Snow-Withers and I both just commented "wow" on a toilet paper deal at Woolworths so do we get the pension now?

  • Australia's terror level has been raised to high, but don't be alarmed it's still 3 levels behind our 'People Different To Us' threat level.

  • Ian Thorpe thinks Ricky Martin is fully sick.

  • So just to clarify, is our national security level "high" or "get high"?

  • Ok, stay with me on this one: Degrassi Park. A movie about an island where an eccentric millionaire has brought Degrassi High back to life.

  • Who amongst us can honestly say he has a face that’s a work of art, a smile that would light up New York City, and a sexy heart?

  • I can confirm that I probably don’t have Ebola and I live on the Gold Coast.

  • Can anyone confirm if the P-Plater 300 car race is on today on the M1? Also, Qld govt, your road safety advertising isn’t working.

  • Australia needs a former national leader tweeting like the US has @dick_nixon. Whip out your iPhone, Bob, John, Paul, Malcolm?

  • Prediction: version 1 of the Apple Watch sees it as a slave to an iPhone host. By version 5 the watch will be the host, the CPU.

  • Ebola just became very GC. Just wait ‘til all the kids are doing it.

  • Gwyneth Paltrow’s nanny is suing Apple over their misuse of the name ‘Apple Watch’.

  • In 25 years time are they still releasing annual #OMGiPhone updates?

  • From a long term branding and marketing perspective, what’s Apple’s long-game for the iPhone?

  • Consider this Twitmas: I've just deactivated every fake, joke, random idea, cool idea, idea that I don't have time for, Twitter account.

  • My worry of a Mosque opening in Currumbin is that a giant hole in the earth will open betwn it & the Arundel mosque & swallow us Christians.

  • Fleeting trip to Perth this weekend. Still managed to book myself onto a red-eye flight, like I always say I won’t do.

  • Everyone settle down, Apple Pay and Apple Watch are only available in the US.

  • Apple completely redefines the watch industry by releasing a watch that will need to be replaced every September #gamechanger

  • Ppl aren't pirating, they're not watching 'correctly'. Shift focus from we're 'being stolen from' to 'in the wrong marketplace' #CopyrightAU

  • "That's the best wedding ceremony we've ever had on the island" - Tangalooma's Events Manager. Why thank you sir!

  • Someone that collects the empty beer glasses. What does everyone else ca them? RT @JohnLacey: @JoshuaWithers -- What's a “glassy”?

  • Of course they'd give him the lowest paying job on the island.

  • David is an evangelist at heart, he just wants to convert everyone to the good church of Tangalooma.

  • Tangalooma's biggest ambassador is a glassy named David. He's the happiest and friendliest person on the island. And on the boat over.

  • #bnetraffic Traffic stopped northbound through Springwood on the M1 due to a dropbear on the motorway mauling a pedestrian to death.

  • New research shows that we put a lot of faith in new research.

  • In future seasons of #DWTS Ch7 will be matching professional dancers with massive luminous spheres of plasma due to local star drought.

  • #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly Dad leaves home only to do more housework than he used to

  • "Successful people do what successful people won't. Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better" - Jim Rohn

  • Trying to find a bunch of money I had hidden somewhere no-one would look. Finally found it in my Google+ account.

  • 1990 called wanting their t-shirt back but then I told them about the iPhone 6 and then they hung up.

  • #BREAKING Research reveals that Paleolithic cavemen were really into cupcakes. The implications for those on the Paleo Diet are exciting!

  • Why doesn't Obama just tell Liam Neeson that ISIS have his daughter?

  • If you weren't sure if today was an awesome day, the elderly gent sitting at the table next to me is watching "Boys Boys Boys" on YouTube.

  • Breaking News: Dinosaur owner, failed resort owner, politician and mine-owner finally relents and allows himself to pay less tax.

  • Please, no-one distribute my nude hacked iCloud photos. They're all terribly photoshopped and not representative of my true nude self.

  • ... I did google hipster alternative celebrant and I found you." 2/2

  • Email: "Let me know your thoughts on this, I know it is unusual and I am asking you if you would feel comfortable and ok to do it ... 1/2

  • OMG DID I JUST INVENT A NEW VIRAL HASHTAG CRAZE?!!?? #whitepeoplesolutions

  • Facebook Messenger really is this generation's world war isn't it.

  • I think I just got a great finance deal on a garage door opener, store owner said he had no remote interest in selling me one!