← 2014 October 2014

  • And for first marriages it’s even lower.

  • Did you know that the 50% of marriages don’t actually end in divorce. Recent research shows that it’s about 30%.

  • There’s something awesomely liberating about being in a city where every sign is in Spanish. It’s like a lovely forced ignorance #PuertoRico

  • Call it over-exposure to pop culture, or just plain silliness, but whenever a local finishes a sentence my brain adds “Hey Macarena!”

  • I’m on the Internet FROM THE SKY OMG! #flyfi #jetblue

  • JFK ✈ Puerto Rico!

  • Tomorrow we’re off to Puerto Rico for three days then we hit DC, home Friday-week!

  • Today we’re going to the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Top of the Rock and ….

  • we’re going to drop in on @charlescory because I want to meet his boss (Gary Vaynerchuk!!!!)

  • Totally watching CBS to watch the #Letterman show I’ve already seen taped.

  • Sooo @taylorswift13 and I connected, like in the eyes, tonight at #thelateshow … do I need to leave Britt now?

  • Tossing up the idea of going to the Letterman show this afternoon dressed as a sexy ebola nurse.

  • Today’s mission: Letterman, Fallon, Colbert or Stewart tickets. Please be kind standby ticket deity!

  • Checked out the new Kindle at Best Buy - I’ve never thought of an e-ink tablet as sexy, but hey, first time for everything!

  • Credit goes to @KasturiShan who says that a situationship is a relationship without any emotional relationship.

  • New York term for being exclusive, but not in a relationship: situationship. The most passive aggressive of the ‘ships.

  • With Ebola so close I'm watching I Am Legend today for a refresher NYC survival course.

  • Well I’ve got to say, it’s an honour to be in the same city as Ebola. Later on in life when everyone ignores me, I’ll have have a reason.

  • 8:45am on day 5: they have accepted me as one of their own. Barista at the Starbucks across from my apartment cracked a joke with me.

  • Plus ‘traditional web design’ is a hilarious thing to say

  • Can see Kendall Jenner, she’s now more real than the moon landing.

  • Mapel-coated sugar-cube-chip caramelised chocolate cupcake #whynot #witherstakeusa

  • As much as Tosh 3.11 would’ve been lovely, it’s was the non-$3 beer that lead me to warn everyone to never go to Dangerfield’s.

  • Was lied to by the ticket seller on the street. Promised @danieltosh & #TinaFey sold us four tickets instead of two and promised $3 beers

  • It doesn’t even matter how many hotdogs I ate today, walked 18km around Manhattan.

  • I fail to see how any American could get fat. Everything is so sugar-encrusted here. And sugar is totally natural.

  • Can confirm: this city never sleeps.

  • LAX is a happening place (read: Ghost-town) before 8am.

  • Pretty sure the reason God didn’t want us to have sex before marriage is for this exact reason.

  • “Hi, you used to date my wife and you awkwardly broke up. Let’s share personal space for a day.”

  • I hate it when people say this, but it’s true: I can’t even.

  • Of all the flights, and all the seats.

  • On a flight sitting next to my wife’s ex-boyfriend.

  • I am on holidays … back to work in three weeks!

  • I think I just broke the shop assistant’s heart when I mistakingly said I’ve just finished work for the year & I’m on holidays to NYC 2morrw

  • Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’ is a beautiful song about a man lovingly telling his wife he’s planning to divorce her on his 71st birthday

  • Off to @rabbitandcocoon for the @Uber_GoldCoast launch tonight! #UberGC

  • Just shirt fronted the ATO. The ATO won. But I got a few fronts in before it got me.

  • Just shirt fronted a coffee. The coffee lost.

  • Ok, stay with me on this: Jay Z in Beyoncé in a black Gone Girl but it’s real life. Brilliant?

  • Just changed my Dropbox password to boobs

  • Any recs for a travelling app to store itineraries, flight numbers, reservations etc? TripIt looks liek a win, do you use anything?

  • Like to know more about my jokes? Send a stamped self-addressed envelope to Studio 4, 30 Light Street, F/Val, & I'll send you a factsheet.

  • ... find a better method of putting the ball at the end of the field.

  • Let's all just never mention a country or race in the world again ok. Unless it's a sporting match in which case those Kiwis can go f...

  • Thinking about wearing a dog suit and leg cast, carrying a boom box the whole time we’re New York #BigCityNights

  • I don't want to seem petty, but someone has changed the font on my GMail email notifications and TODAY IS RUINED.

  • Nothing is on fire. Fire is on things. Mind. Blown.

  • I feel a bit petty just leaving but I feel they’re being petty trying to get another $3 out of me.

  • Has there been an economics study done on $10 minimum EFTPOS a limits? If there’s a limit being enforced I’ll just go to another shop.

  • It’s nice being the talk of the town lol

  • Bilambil service station attendant asks me if I’ve heard about the seven weddings happening at Summergrove Estate today! #popupwed

  • Tonight on 60 Minutes , the man who once proclaimed ‘every day I’m shuffling’ caught walking.

  • Can you actually earn, or spend, Flybuys points on actual flights anymore?

  • 97.3fm must be the only station that plays Star Trekkin after LMFAO

  • Tonight on 60 Minutes, the man who once proclaimed ‘every day I’m shuffling’ caught walking.

  • “My grandfather knitted me this jumper“ - thing we’ll hear when we’ve really reached gender equality

  • Persevere my brothers and sisters in the faith.

  • An encouragement for the survivors. It's been three weeks since the iPhone 6 came out and I haven't upgraded yet. It gets easier each day.

  • I try my hardest to not talk about politics and religion on here, but wouldn’t that be a cool band name? #PoliticsAndReligion

  • Well I don't know what you've been doing today but I just got ordained as a minister in the state of New York.

  • Mars is the only planet in the known universe that is 100% inhabited by robots.

  • “There used to be a Pizza Hut there!” - me, like, everywhere

  • We're at Summergrove Estate in the Tweed Hinterland this Sunday - hope the skies stay blue

  • It's the #GoldCoast #popupwedding weekend with seven couples getting married! I love #popupwed because it's no BS, 100% authentic commitment

  • The @entreleadership podcast helps me #gimmiefreestuffyo

  • Ugh! I just saw my first Instagram ad. My photos are all so dirty now. I'll be back after this shower brought to you by Johnson & Johnson.

  • I'm sure none of their other vendors hold them to account for every dollar as much as I do.

  • I really do feel sorry for any wedding media that ever approaches me to advertise.

  • The Brisbane market has never been more ripe for the @BrisbaneTimes to click print on it's website & start selling something at a newsagent

  • I'm not saying we should, but, like, has anyone ever given a sloth cocaine - @eliyudin

  • I've been working with a pretty awesome Sydney photographer on his new website and blog, and he just launched, and is giving away a camera!

  • Thoroughly making sure all of my bikini pics are gone from the internet in-case I get murdered and it makes frontpage news.

  • SPORTSBALL WTF! #DONTLIKEEITHERTEAM

  • Surely it's time the world saw another song featuring the word 'haver'?

  • Just did an interview with the Daily Mail!

  • Just saw someone renting a DVDS from an automated DVD kiosk, so it’s a pretty massive day for the DVD industry.

  • High school friend just invited me to like her favourite supermarket's Facebook page. Life really is a box of chocolates isn't it.

  • "In life, change is inevitable. In business, change is vital." Author, Warren G. Bennis

  • Remember the good old days when we used to post on ello? Good times.

  • That last tweet is possibly too meta

  • Do you think Apple’s U2 giveaway might have been more successful if they hid the album in a folder on the phone called Fun Stuff?

  • It might have something to do with not having lost any direct family members or friends.

  • OMG WHEN OR WHERE WILL THIS #BACHELORAU SAGA END? Asking for a friend.

  • Over-excited Korean guy wearing a Jeep shirt driving a brand new Jeep bought a Jeep.

  • “Never bring a Dyson Airblade to a towel fight“ - @MrBigFists

  • Can anyone recommend an electrician on the Gold Coast? Our hot water system is on strike, showers are forecast with a cold front expected.

  • Everyone stop asking me why @MolksTVTalk and i are consciously uncoupling. He’s the one making all of the decisions.

  • I'm 32 years old and I still don't "know what that means" when radio announcers say "it's Friday and you know what that means!"

  • In breaking news, The Bachelor transforms into the bachelor, same guy but without the capitalised first letters cause it's not a title now.

  • Ok, stay with me on this one, new name for Blake: The Batch-he-lay-her #TheBachelorAU

  • Hi, I find u on the Google, how much you charge? $935 My friend got married last month for $350, why u so much, u don't do anything special

  • I'm going to wear a burqa to Parmigiana tonight.

  • Peter is to oin tune with the termites RT @612brisbane: Called in a pest controller to answer your concern on the cereal box Peter.

  • I can’t help but think I’ll be a broke elderly man spending every last dollar on remastered Eminem and Nickelback albums.

  • There needs to be a ruling made on whose armrest is whose in a cinema.

  • You probably didn't know this, but the official bird of the City of #Brisbane is a guy trying to drive the wrong way down a one-way street.

  • In a moment of confusion, Parliament House’s chef has taken burgers off the menu.

  • "I find Bourke Street confronting" - Josh Withers

  • Movie Idea: #LiamNeeson just stands in front of a camera punching people for 2 hours: "Taken 4: It's Face Value"

  • Movie idea: #LiamNeeson's daughter is totally ok so they buy a tandem bike: "Taken 4: A Ride"

  • Movie idea: Liam Neeson resigns from being a retired CIA agent and becomes an Ibuprofen: Take 4: Back Pain.

  • Movie idea: #LiamNeeson realises the movie producers have been behind his daughter's kidnapping this whole time: Taken 4: A Fool.

  • Movie idea: #LiamNeeson is replaced by @HackedOffHugh in the next in the Taken series. It's called "Taken 4: Granted"

  • Wow! I'm working from home today and just realised I'd been wearing pants all morning for no reason!

  • Any Wordpress theme nerds available to do an Illustrator to Wordpress theme conversion? We've hired @chopchoporg but they're being painful.

  • Will Smith and the remaining survivors will really enjoy your #Ebola jokes in 6 months.