← 2015 February 2015

  • We're all secretly idiots inside.

  • It might be hours before I have to wake up but I've just set up the most awesome nerd thing for tomorrow's wedding fair!

  • Hello Sydney!

  • Saturday night flying is the best! The flight's pretty much empty ... bye Melbourne, see you soon for @LoveOnTheLawn1, Sydney!

  • Have we reached peak llama dress yet?

  • What spelling is this color?

  • Not sure if I'm in Melbourne or an episode of Australia's Got Talent.

  • My only disappointment with the Great Ocean Road is that there is not a restaurant called "Lorne Bowls"

  • I don't want to boast, but I have the same number of Oscars as Leonardo DiCaprio #justsayin

  • Britt: look at that cow pooing. Josh: that's bullshit baby. drops mic

  • First world holiday problem: can't sleep because the majestically beautiful crashing waves outside our beachside cottage are too loud.

  • Victoria-bound for the week!

  • Blonde girl at Gold Coast airport wearing track pants and a black with diamontes Penthouse cap refuses to be stereotyped.

  • Seriously though, I hope to god that photos of me 7 years ago never surface.

  • If you think slaughtering innocent animals is disgusting, then put down that cheeseburger!

  • Glen McGrath #NeverForget

  • Where can I get film for my iPhone 5S on a Saturday in Brisbane?

  • On my tombstone I'd like it to say" He wasn't that funny, but he gave it a good try"

  • Nothing like a cyclone in Queensland to get the rest of Australia riled up and Queenslanders all going "meh"

  • The hero of the day is the legend trying to go surfing in Yeppoon, called out by @karlstefanovic onair then pulled in by @QPSmedia #tcmarcia

  • #TCMarcia is very close to Yeppoon, in-fact I'm informed now it's right on top of ya fork.

  • Photoshop turns 25 today, though you wouldn't know it by it's photoshoot for Graphic Design Weekly, it barely looks 16.

  • OMG! RT @0i76xl798k17li: |Prize|Patrol has chosen you as today's Australia winner @JoshuaWithers Claim at this page @A_U_SClaim

  • Abbott government to scrap the national Census in favour of just looking at the insights for everyone that checks into Australia on Facebook

  • Just booked another two weeks in NYC this July/August. Heck yes!

  • Did you know that if you're a first time user on Uber you can use the promo code 'marriedbyjosh' to get your first two trips free? Legit!

  • Is it too soon to start writing to Santa about a self-driving Apple car?

  • "It's a special kind of love (that I have for Phillip Ruddock)" - @JoeHockey

  • I'm predicting that in the next five years there will be a cat videos segment at the Oscars.

  • Dear Twittersaurus: a word for party that starts with m

  • Mother of a bride just now: Wow! I can't believe there's a male celebrant. Me: I know! How weird is it for a celebrant to have a penis!

  • But she's convinced that you watch 'Better Call Stan' on Netflix ... so not all advertising works.

  • Advertising works! Britt keeps on calling #BetterCallSaul 'Just Call Stan' ... @stancomau @MolksTVTalk

  • Disappointed the @CourierMail didn't go with "50 Palaszczuk's of Grey" today.

  • Animated GIFs maketh man

  • Am I using it right?

  • Just downed a holocaust of coffee.

  • I'm a bit worried about the few of my friends that haven't weighed in on Kanye West this week. Hope you guys are ok.

  • "Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn't, do something else." Franklin D. Roosevelt

  • Is there any ethical problems about offering free cat photos in return for contracting your services? Do the cats need a per diem?

  • Breaking News: Tony Abbott knights himself #libspill #auspol

  • You know times are a tough for a PM when he has a lower approval rating than a guy that held people hostage in a cafe in Martin Place.

  • "The Prime Minister is a very busy man" ... just in case anyone needed a line for tomorrow's front page #sydneyseige

  • I love the visual idea of a leadership spill. Like the leadership is a schooner of beer and the party is trying to carry it without spilling

  • I don't want to alarm anyone, but it seems the Far Kew Corner Store at Kew has shutdown. Quite disappoint.

  • "Maybe dying alone isn't all that bad, like you don't hear many complaints"

  • And although I live on the Gold Coast, I have like one wedding near home.

  • So this year is shaping up to be blow-your-mind-crazy. Bali twice, Hawaii once, Sydney like twenty times, Perth twice, Melbourne three times

  • You haven't driven in Sydney traffic until unless you need a hug when you get out of the car.

  • Waa-hay!

  • I'm not a racist but I like tweeting confusing Tweets.

  • Waa-hay!

  • Eating activated almonds #DoingAnAbbott

  • Ate two brownies instead of just one #doinganAbbott

  • But who's going to control the Turnbull puppet? #libspill

  • Which is kind of creepy now I think about it.

  • I don't work. I just make people give each other jewellery and kiss.

  • Someone just referred to me not being available on the weekends because I'm working.

  • Waa-hay!