← 2020 July 2020

  • “But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day.”

    — This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life by David Foster Wallace

  • Nostalgia wins. Install Mac OS 8 on your current computer

  • Everyone's having the great mask debate and I'm over here just dancing by myself.

  • Feeling horny but might delete later idk tho

  • Look, if you’re wondering when to get married, Tuesday the 22nd of February, 2022 is pretty cool, because we’ll call it a Twos Day Wedding.

  • My local UberEats selection becomes super boring/corporate after 9pm.

  • In case any of you guys wanted to join the illuminati, I've got an in

  • The one thing I know for sure

  • I feel like a new man after leaving the house to be creative today.

    Remember the good ok’ days when we’d leave the house all to make things like photos?

  • Do people not offended by #cooncheese even buy anything other than supermarket-brand cheese?

    Asking for a friend.

  • Get back to me when your daughter has a PLU on your local cafe’s point of sale system.

  • Whenever someone talks about closing the boarder I’m always impressed that so many people are renting out spare bedrooms to people who don’t mind being opened and closed.

  • Check out our Europe 2020 travel photos!

  • Syncing to the cloud

  • Watching Luna chase a reluctant mum + 2 kids around the public playground hoping that they could all play together is bringing me much joy.

    The mum left the house today certain that the only person her kids would be playing with today would be her.

    It took ten minutes but Luna won. She’s now leading the other kids around by hand.

    Germs, Withers DNA, dirt and all.

  • Nice flex, Qantas

  • Britt and I argue over getting news and information from Instagram or memes, and this is my argument, as written by Terence.

    ”The whole investigation took me 5 minutes. A Web search, a few clicks, and some ctrl+f‘ing. These are basic skills, and you should use those skills before you share something which sounds too good to be true. Treat any claim without a URl as suspicious.”

    - Terence Eden

  • Luna upon seeing a polar bear IRL. I think it might’ve been a nicer experience if the polar bear was in the wild and we were running for our lives, but here we are folks.

  • I was tracking flights for January for a wedding I have/had booked in Orlando. I think it just got a little more expensive/impossible.

  • Luna us leaving home and moving to Sea World

  • To save you the awkward work of calling your dentist asking if you can pay with exposure, let Ryan Jon do it

  • Now taking applications for people wanting to join my Mindful Clown Posse. We meet on Tuesdays at 6am for chai tea.

  • Breaking: Yacht club memberships are rising suddenly in Victoria as the premier rules masts to be compulsory for all Victorians

  • A music video "filmed" all in a screen recording on a Mac, pretty cool!

  • That feeling when you’ve done all of Brighton.

  • What’s everyone’s thoughts on forewords and introductions in books? If they were supposed to be part of the book they’d be chapter one, right? Am I a bad person for skipping them? Am I missing out?

  • The lockdowns will continue until morale improves

  • The new FlyerKeeper initiative is a winner, thanks ScoMo ✈️

  • 150 people at a wedding in NSW, but, everyone seated, no mingling, no singing, no dancing. Make sure you invite Kevin Bacon to your wedding.

  • I’m no psychologist but I’m willing to bet that the elderly man driving his 1970s Mercedes Benz with the windows down through the streets of Palm Beach loudly blaring Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls is having a bad day.

  • "In Iceland, we are lucky enough to have vast open spaces and beautiful nature that is the perfect place to let out frustrations, we feel this is just what the world needs.” says Sigríður Dögg Guðmundsdóttir, of Visit Iceland. You can send in your scream to be released into the Icelandic wilderness. I highly recommend. lookslikeyouneediceland.com/

  • Them’s fightin words

  • She learned how to toilet from me, by sitting there reading for half an hour.

  • “New York blends the gift of privacy with the excitement of participation; and better than most dense communities it succeeds in insulating the individual (if he wants it, and almost everybody wants or needs it) against all enormous and violent and wonderful events that are taking place every minute.” — E.B. White in Here Is New York

  • Anyone else in the “out before midnight closing the three rings club?”

  • The biggest giveaway that my only military service was a school term of Army Cadets is when I need to use phonetic letters on a phone call.

    J, for Jackson 5. O, for Oh my god! S, for Sara Bareilles. H, for hold on. U, like you but just the letter. A, for all the letters.

  • Qantas's last 747 on it's Farewell flight past Surfers Paradise this morning.

    The @Qantas #747 is a plane that has taken Britt and I so many places around the world, but greater than that, its legacy means that this boy can create marriage ceremonies around the world.

  • Get the down-low on The Virtual Wedding Fair this weekend by listening to my podcast, The Rebels’ Guide To Getting Married

  • I’m always asked if I can tell whether a couple will ‘make it.’

    I can’t, but the closest I’ve come is right now and the lady in front of me is married to a guy who just texted her ordering a margarita pizza for dinner.

    I don’t think margarita pizza guy is also a marriage guy.

  • Most Australian's don't even know that Nelly and Kelly Rowlands' 2002 hit 'Dilemma' is about how Kelly was with 2020 but all she could think about was 2019.

  • Those small business vibes are real. Every day I fantasise about working for some big corporation who doesn’t know who I am but at least I wouldn’t get anxiety opening my email.

  • One of the hardest things about living in Queensland is that through the depths of winter you often walk outside in shirt, shorts, and thongs, and you’ll think to yourself “it’s a bit cold, I should of worn a thicker shirt”

  • My inbox is a wonderland, by Josh Mayer.

  • Hey, just a question from the audience.

    How are scammers still in business? How do they afford the phone calls, caller ID spoofers, computers?

    How are they still profiting? Doesn't everyone know that if your phone rings it's at least a 50% chance of it being a scammer?

  • Please come to my comedy show

  • Luna is upset that I cut an apple up, and she’s now trying to mend the apple by holding it all together, while calling for her mumma.

    A metaphor for 2020.

  • I’ve been trialling the news iOS 14 Back Tap feature and every single activation has been accidental, and any intentional activations fail. So I’m turning it off.

  • I know I've been a whinge guy about COVID lockdowns, and that's because financially and in our business we've had a rough time with it. But reading this ...

  • My iPhone buzzes me, alerting me of some photos it’s curated into a cool album named “Celebrate Good Times”, so I excitedly tap the notification excitedly and it shows me a blank photo album.

    Sick 2020 burn, Apple.

  • For those of us worried our phones are listening, the next version of iOS due out in a few months let’s you know in Control Centre exactly which apps are listening, or have been.

  • Boat people found

  • I'm very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don't know y.

  • I've been making websites on php based content management systems for over 20 years, mostly Wordpress for the last 17, so I'm struggling to understand JAMstack.

    On the chance that you've made the move recently, how can I understand it better?

  • Hey, has anyone made a ‘Victoria - Garden State’ into ‘Victoria - Basket State’ joke yet?

  • Is this the future of the media? Hot topic opinion pieces by people who don’t exist.

  • Anyone else in beta club?

  • It feels really nice and normal to hear flights back into Gold Cost Airport this afternoon.

  • There's a new episode of my podcast out, and honestly, I'm pretty bloody proud of it.

    Just search for 'Rebels Guide' in your podcast app and you should find something around the lines of 'The Rebels Guide To Getting Married'.

  • What is a Virtual Wedding Fair? Here’s a snippet of the most recent Rebels Guide To Getting Married talking about it.

    Listen/watch on YouTube

  • Good news everybody, the people in charge of time have decided to not make 2020 one second longer than it has to be. That's the kind of leadership 2020 needs.

  • Hazor, Megiddo, and Gezer, a Podcast by Rob Bell

  • I think it’s time someone called 7-Eleven on their shit. They are open way outside those hours.

  • The real cost of the travel restrictions is in my sunglasses acquisition and ownership strategy,

    Every Bali trip I buy a collection of knock-off Ray Bans and then slowly lose them or break them inbetween trips.

    I’m now down to my last pair.

  • If I’ve got to wear a mask, I might as well look good

  • Be warned that despite the name, the Disney+ production ‘Hamilton’ has absolutely nothing to do with the Whitsundays island, and instead seems to be about a man who literally published a book about his own sex scandal.

  • Is this an Alan Jones advertisement or a reportage of a sad story about Alan Jones?

    Asking for a friend.

  • Channel 7 announces it’s glad that Pauline Hanson will be more available for Sunrise now that the Today Show has finally let go of her.

  • The border township of Albury–Wodonga is set to become the duelling towns of Albury versus Wodonga as the border closes tomorrow!

    I’ve got $10 on a Wodonga win, because they have zombies.

  • I've been pwned, and my password used to be becool88

  • America, just think of Kanye West as your rebound president. You don't need to love your next president, you just need to spend some time with someone else for a while so you can learn to love yourself.

  • I, for one, welcome our new Yeezy overlords.

  • How do you break it to your mother-in-law that you eloped in secret?

    I’ve got some ideas and they’re in this week’s Rebels’ Guide To Getting Married podcast. Search for ‘rebels guide’ in your podcast app, or find the links at therebels.guide.

  • If any out of state friends need to get into Queensland to watch an AFL match, or to witness affordable house prices, my cartel is taking expressions of interest in a tunnel.

    Apply within.

  • The year is 2020 and Victorians being smuggled into Queensland is a concern

  • A change of format to The Rebels Guide To Getting Married

  • "'Right,' she nods—because there really isn't a great way to try to respond to an older, popular male talk show host telling you that all men have sexual thoughts about underage girls." - Elle Magazine on Megan Fox

  • Because Victoria can't control it's Rona, Queensland, hilariously, is now the 'Home of the AFL'. As a proud Queenslander, let me join the statewide chorus of Go Lions!

  • Weren’t the eighties a different time. Could you imagine The J. Biebers Band releasing a song today about how Justin’s found his high school crush on the front page of Pornhub.

  • Having never attended an orgy, and not being educated on orgy culture, is The Beatles’ Come Together an anthem for orgies or is it too obvious an inclusion so dumped from the orgy playlist?

  • Nothing grounds you more than an email from a potential client apologising for a delay to an email because "this week is a chemo week"

  • Made the news today