[Redacted]!!!!!!!!!!! #OMFG

He's got the warrant!!!

Guy on the train is appearing in court next week for attempting to steal a plane ... and fraud.

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius

Lunch at GYG. Group of young students walk in. Nekminit I'm that old guy drinking a beer at lunch, by myself, on Thursday, next to students.

"You were frickin' awesome! We had quite a few people come up to us at the wedding saying that it was good to see a fun, young celebrant"

If the original computer engineers were being honest with themselves they would've called the thing that held information forever a wife.

I don't know what everyone is freaking out about. There's only been 74 school shootings since the Sandy Hook massacre in 2012.

I indirectly watch The Gilmore Girls with Britt, not for the feminine rom-com-drama, but for the subtle and awesome cultural references.

Just letting you know so you can prepare the balloons and confetti.

I'm probably an hour or two away from reaching inbox:zero for the first time in weeks.

"Postage stamps are such a cool idea!" - @snow_withers

I'm pretty sure I'm the only guy that actually replies to spam email with a reference to legal action and the Spam Act of 2003.

In five years or so you'll wish you had of followed @redlips_onships before it was cool (that's like, now)

Andrew Denton once said that he only really asked variations of one question on Enough Rope, basically: “Life is hard, how are you coping?”

Is there a literal 'Internet cafe' on the Gold Coast that serves coffee like a cafe, but has Internet sessions that last more than 30min?

"No-one goes to radio station websites! That's why we're listening to the radio, because we're not at the computer" - Britt yelling at SeaFM

There's just something about driving a convertible that says "I'm a poor decision maker"

Any West Aussies got a copy of The West nearby? I want to check whether a particular story ran today.

My greatest fear is that Kanye West will only be truly appreciated after his death.

Guys, Instagram is down. Let me know your fax number, I've got a selfie to send you.

If you really were a comedian you would've made a parody of Asshole by @DenisLeary about @TonyAbbottMHR by now.

"Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't, you are right." - Henry Ford

Dear @RobinaTC, your public WiFi terms and conditions acceptance splash page has some CSS errors. I had to disable CSS to click "Login".

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." - Art Linkletter

Just been voted the Universe's most rad celebrant. Legit.

Looking forward to taking a selfie with a guy who's hopefully eaten live chickens with Marilyn Manson, or something.

I'm going to be marrying Rob Zombie's drummer's father-in-law, which is enough of a connection to get 17 y/po Josh to look up from the N64.

ARN building in Stones Corner has a KIIS FM logo on it.

Please stop sharing the new 'Bieber being stupid' video, I'm waiting for the box set to come out.

Probably will never see that face again #RIPDoc

They say that you can measure a man by his remaining iPhone battery charge. I am the 1%.

Just had a chat with @SteveMillsPR and @BasilZempilas on @6PR about the @PopUpWed

Is there anyone actually giving out cigars to people that got close enough?

I should film him and release it as an exercise DVD.

Watching this man, across from me at the airport, eat an ice-cream has positively ruined ice-creams for me, forever.

If you listen back to Fatman Scoop's 'Be Faithful' I think you'll find he's quite the equal rights activist #CanIGwtAWhatWhat

Just resisted the temptation to ask The Veronica's for a post-wedding selfie.

Old age is when you're reading a clients birth certificate and they were born in a year you can clearly remember.

Who of all of my Tweeps are Perth mediaites? I've got a Perth wedding story for those keen, we're rocking the @popupwed in WA this Monday!

I just had the most Queensland problem ever: I couldn't find my good thongs.

Google Ad: 85c, the phone call, $1.60, hearing her whisper 'woohoo' before she ends the call to see if I'm available: priceless.

Mog has been rumoured to be replaced, updated by/to Beats in Australia.

Australian Beats/Apple angle: Mog is owned by Bears. In Australia Mog is sold/licences by Bigpond Music, no data charges on Telstra.

Apple right now: Just Beat it.

Barber is playing Slipknot. It's a good day.

Some people go to theme parks for fun. Me? I just open the laptop but don't open GMail straight away. I'm a thrillseeker.

Breaking: Australia to be renamed to The Straylia.

Sifting through @kanyewest's back catalogue trying to guess which song he sung himself down the aisle to.

Webstats always tell such a fun and odd story. Today two people have Googled "cost of joshua withers".