GCal runs a tight and lean ship, is very unforgiving, but given fair warning is very generous with days off.

Some say that being self-employed means that you're your own boss. Not true. I'm employed by Google Calendar.

I'm usually not one for traditions. But reading the @SatPaper could easily become one.

Considering a new photo-journalism series "Motorways turned into carparks"

Do not ever give up. Simply print this out, stare at it forever, and eventually you will die.

"A man's errors are his portals of discovery." - Writer, James Joyce

Britt trying to describe zip-ties: the things rapists use.

Increasing by an average of five people per day.

Hey, if anyone's looking for website, Google, or SEO help I've got the details of about three trillion Indian guys that can help you.

The real casualties of the universe expanding are the local universes that are already doing it tough in this astrological environment.

Marriage is less about being madly in love and more about always letting your bride have some of your chips.

As much as I tell everyone that I don't miss the media, of course I'm the wanker whose first reaction to a truck on fire is: video that shit

Sad, funny, strange. Words I'm using to describe people passionately dancing to Semisonic's Closing Time at 11:59pm.

Life's always good when you're playing tunes. I'm at Novotel Twin Waters tonight. Don't mention the two hour drive home at midnight ....

A couple on why they booked me "we do not want a boring ceremony, we’re in love - not going into retirement"

Shuts ... but shits is also appropriate.

It's not a day ending in y unless there's another crash on the motorway that shits down the whole motorway ...

With Channel Ten axing News it's got a new show planned: Olds. It's the best of the Ten News of the past 50 years.

Citizens of the world, let's put aside our politics & beliefs to unite against our true enemy: the canapés "no thanks" guilt-trip guy.

You know you're in the country when the local council installs signs instructing drivers to ignore their GPS.

Wouldn't it suck to be the guy who's lasting legacy was inventing pistachio crispbread.

I suppose 91.7 is aimed at an older demographic?

ABC Gold Coast is such a different radio station to 612 Brisbane. I literally feel young listen to 91.7, on 612 I feel on par.

People wanting to be stars, shouldn't be stars #TheVoiceAu

I know that's a mega smart-ass tweet, @abcgoldcoast, but you're doing the tech equivalent of announcing @JuliaGillard as the new PM.

ABC GC doing a new technology segment where they're breaking the news of Google Glass, right now. Need a hand over there, @abcgoldcoast?

Fixing father-in-law's computer, what malware software do kids use on Windows PCs these days?

Beats by Steve.

Do you know someone that works for a printing company? I'm looking for a blank, possibly even broken, pull-up banner. Bris/GC/Tweed.

Wedding on the Gabba turf today, I've got cricket puns, don't worry, but if you had something extra specially punny, feel free to comment.

I wanted to post a Jay Z/Beyoncé joke and Britt said I could do it Solange as it was funny.

Mega thanks to everyone :)

I'm worried this PA system thing is getting out of hand. Ch9's on the phone ... might just pay for one myself :)

I have a very large collection of books ... which I would like to start reading one day.

Wedding is Thursday May 22 on the Sunshine Coast, I can pickup/dropoff to Bris/GC

Place I normally rent from can't donate, so I thought I'd ask publically.

I'm donating my services to a terminally ill bride next Thursday night, needing a PA system and party lights for the reception, can u help?

Amirite?

More like hero pussy

"It's people like you that we need more of in this confusing web of wedding information." - Adam and Mel

Google apps tells me I'm dealing with 96.07 business emails per day. Which is about 86 more than my morning coffee allows for.

Heard a @goldfmgc announcer say that American Authors' 'Best Day Of My Life' was coming up with no @JoeHockey reference. Missed opp!

"So sick ... wish I could ... get ... help .... but .... bugger paying ..... seven ... dol ... lars .... like ... seriously wtf?" - sick ppl

If you watch the budget right to the end of the credits there's a secret scene where Joe Hockey gets rejected from The Avengers.

Any update on hair cuts in the budget?

On an International scale right now, Australia is the rich kid chucking a hissy fit because his parents only got him a BMW for his birthday.

Playing "Doctor, Doctor, give me the news" on the radio now costs $7 per play #auspol #Budget2014

Spending big on infrastructure? @TonyAbbottMHR has 99 problems but bitumen ain't one #auspol #Budget2014

Ok .... I'm listening to @612brisbane now getting budget updates. Jokes to follow.

I've been working, so I've missed the while budget, but it sounds like @JoeHockey just changed lanes without indicating #auspol #Budget2014