Hi! My name is Josh, this me blog.

The dance of pleasing the social media algorithims of the world’s biggest companies, whilst being beat to death by strangers with their comments displeased me so now I’m here.

I wish I were the kind of person who could just live without broadcasting. But there’s an animal inside me — right down in the marrow — that keeps asking ‘can you see me?’ and silence has never once soothed it.

  • “This white man has a bigger penis than this white man” - Pretty much every advert on American TV this week #midtermelections

  • Hello Washington DC!

  • I for one welcome our new #Flyfi overlord #JetBlue

  • There's something awesome and scary about flying through turbulence at 753km per hour at 20,000 feet, watching #GOT whilst on Twitter.

  • Puerto Rico is hot, muggy, and more full of Americans than New York.

  • And for first marriages it’s even lower.

  • Did you know that the 50% of marriages don’t actually end in divorce. Recent research shows that it’s about 30%.

  • There’s something awesomely liberating about being in a city where every sign is in Spanish. It’s like a lovely forced ignorance #PuertoRico

  • Call it over-exposure to pop culture, or just plain silliness, but whenever a local finishes a sentence my brain adds “Hey Macarena!”

  • I’m on the Internet FROM THE SKY OMG! #flyfi #jetblue

  • JFK ✈ Puerto Rico!

  • Tomorrow we’re off to Puerto Rico for three days then we hit DC, home Friday-week!

  • Today we’re going to the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Top of the Rock and ….

  • we’re going to drop in on @charlescory because I want to meet his boss (Gary Vaynerchuk!!!!)

  • Totally watching CBS to watch the #Letterman show I’ve already seen taped.

  • Sooo @taylorswift13 and I connected, like in the eyes, tonight at #thelateshow … do I need to leave Britt now?

  • Tossing up the idea of going to the Letterman show this afternoon dressed as a sexy ebola nurse.

  • Today’s mission: Letterman, Fallon, Colbert or Stewart tickets. Please be kind standby ticket deity!

  • Checked out the new Kindle at Best Buy - I’ve never thought of an e-ink tablet as sexy, but hey, first time for everything!

  • Credit goes to @KasturiShan who says that a situationship is a relationship without any emotional relationship.

  • New York term for being exclusive, but not in a relationship: situationship. The most passive aggressive of the ‘ships.

  • With Ebola so close I'm watching I Am Legend today for a refresher NYC survival course.

  • Well I’ve got to say, it’s an honour to be in the same city as Ebola. Later on in life when everyone ignores me, I’ll have have a reason.

  • 8:45am on day 5: they have accepted me as one of their own. Barista at the Starbucks across from my apartment cracked a joke with me.

  • Plus ‘traditional web design’ is a hilarious thing to say

  • Can see Kendall Jenner, she’s now more real than the moon landing.

  • Mapel-coated sugar-cube-chip caramelised chocolate cupcake #whynot #witherstakeusa

  • As much as Tosh 3.11 would’ve been lovely, it’s was the non-$3 beer that lead me to warn everyone to never go to Dangerfield’s.

  • Was lied to by the ticket seller on the street. Promised @danieltosh & #TinaFey sold us four tickets instead of two and promised $3 beers

  • It doesn’t even matter how many hotdogs I ate today, walked 18km around Manhattan.

  • I fail to see how any American could get fat. Everything is so sugar-encrusted here. And sugar is totally natural.

  • Can confirm: this city never sleeps.

  • LAX is a happening place (read: Ghost-town) before 8am.

  • Pretty sure the reason God didn’t want us to have sex before marriage is for this exact reason.

  • “Hi, you used to date my wife and you awkwardly broke up. Let’s share personal space for a day.”

  • I hate it when people say this, but it’s true: I can’t even.

  • Of all the flights, and all the seats.

  • On a flight sitting next to my wife’s ex-boyfriend.

  • I am on holidays … back to work in three weeks!

  • I think I just broke the shop assistant’s heart when I mistakingly said I’ve just finished work for the year & I’m on holidays to NYC 2morrw

  • Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’ is a beautiful song about a man lovingly telling his wife he’s planning to divorce her on his 71st birthday

  • Off to @rabbitandcocoon for the @Uber_GoldCoast launch tonight! #UberGC

  • Just shirt fronted the ATO. The ATO won. But I got a few fronts in before it got me.

  • Just shirt fronted a coffee. The coffee lost.

  • Ok, stay with me on this: Jay Z in Beyoncé in a black Gone Girl but it’s real life. Brilliant?

  • Just changed my Dropbox password to boobs

  • Any recs for a travelling app to store itineraries, flight numbers, reservations etc? TripIt looks liek a win, do you use anything?

  • Like to know more about my jokes? Send a stamped self-addressed envelope to Studio 4, 30 Light Street, F/Val, & I'll send you a factsheet.

  • ... find a better method of putting the ball at the end of the field.

  • Let's all just never mention a country or race in the world again ok. Unless it's a sporting match in which case those Kiwis can go f...